“You’re Overreacting”: How to Recognize When You’re Being Gaslit
- Erika Lucas
- Apr 24
- 3 min read
This week at our VEST Tables, we reflected on how, in today’s political environment, emotions like anger and frustration are often dismissed or diminished—especially when expressed by women. Several members shared how public concerns are sometimes brushed aside with statements that imply emotion invalidates legitimacy.
It's a familiar tactic—especially for women—where legitimate concerns are minimized, emotional responses are framed as irrational, and the people raising the alarm are labeled as the problem rather than the issues themselves.
This is gaslighting. And it’s one of the most persistent, insidious tools used to silence women in both public discourse and professional spaces.
What Is Gaslighting?
Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation that makes someone question their reality, feelings, or experiences. The term originates from the 1944 film Gaslight, in which a husband manipulates his wife into doubting her sanity. In real life, it sounds like:
“You’re too sensitive.”
“That’s not what I said—you’re twisting things.”
“Calm down, you’re overreacting.”
“No one else has a problem with this but you.”
At its core, gaslighting shifts the focus from what is being said to how it’s being said—undermining the speaker's legitimacy rather than engaging with their message.
How Gaslighting Shows Up—And Why It’s Gendered
1. In Politics and Policy
When a legislator says they won’t listen to “angry people,” it's not just dismissive—it’s strategic. Anger is a rational, appropriate response to policies that strip away rights or jeopardize well-being. Women who are angry about losing access to reproductive healthcare, who are frustrated by economic uncertainty due to rising tariffs and prices, or who fear for their families are told to dial it down—to “be polite” or “more rational”—as if reason alone can undo systemic inequities.
2. In the Workplace
Women in professional settings are often gaslit under the guise of "feedback" or "team culture." Consider these examples:
A woman advocates assertively in a meeting and is later told she’s being “too aggressive.”
She raises concerns about equity in a performance review process and is advised to “focus on being a team player.”
A colleague interrupts or takes credit for her ideas, and when she points it out, she’s told she's imagining things or making it awkward.
The goal isn’t just to invalidate—it’s to isolate. To make her question herself, withdraw, and ultimately, stop speaking up.
Recognizing the Red Flags
Here are signs you may be experiencing gaslighting:
Repeatedly being told you're misinterpreting things when you clearly recall events or conversations.
Being criticized for your tone or demeanor rather than the substance of your message.
Feeling the need to over-apologize or seek reassurance before raising concerns.
Others dismiss your concerns by saying “no one else thinks that,” making you feel alone in your perspective.
Being coached to be “nicer,” “softer,” or “less emotional,” especially when advocating for yourself or others.
Reclaiming the Narrative: How Women Can Push Back
1. Trust Your Gut—and Keep Receipts
If something feels off, it probably is. Keep notes, document conversations, and rely on facts. This isn’t about becoming defensive—it’s about affirming your experience.
2. Use Strategic Language
You can call out gaslighting without becoming the villain. Try phrases like:
“I’m not overreacting—this is a valid concern and here’s why.”
“Let’s focus on the content of my point, not how it was delivered.”
“I hear that you see it differently. Let’s clarify where we agree and where we don’t.”
3. Build Solidarity
Gaslighting thrives in isolation. When you hear another woman being dismissed or undermined, step in. You can say:
“I thought her point was valid and worth discussing.”
“Let’s not confuse passion with aggression—she’s raising an important issue.”
“I’ve observed something similar—maybe it’s a pattern we need to address.”
4. Elevate Women's Voices
In meetings, policy discussions, or any collective space, advocate for women to be heard and acknowledged:
Reference their ideas and give credit.
Invite them into conversations where decisions are made.
Share their expertise in spaces they’ve been excluded from.
Let’s Change the Rules, Not Just the Tone
Women don’t need to be “less emotional” or “more agreeable” to be taken seriously. We need systems—whether in government or our workplaces—that value lived experiences, respond to real concerns, and reject manipulation disguised as professionalism.
Gaslighting is a tool of control. But when we name it, call it out, and stand with one another, it loses its power.